In my teen life coaching practice I hear it over and over again, “Why can’t he/she take responsibility for their actions?; everything is always the other person’s fault”.

Our youth blame…

• Their teachers for their bad grades
• Getting fired because their boss is an idiot
• Or, fail to do just about anything because it was everyone else at fault, not them.

Frustrating to say the least. It is challenging to get through to these kids that they need to take personal responsibility for their actions.

But wait.  Wait a minute.

It doesn’t appear that anyone seems to adhere to the age old value of personal responsibility.

What happened to the tried and true values of honesty and responsibility our grandparents adhered to.  They seemed to hold integrity in the highest regard.  “My word is my bond” or “a handshake is good enough for me” exemplifies the values of trust, of integrity, and accountability.

Somewhere along the way we, as a society, have lost that.  And we can’t blame our youth if they live what they experience.  We can’t expect them to know any difference when we embody a culture that promotes excuses and forgiveness for gross negligence.  What happened to the days when people took the hit and stood up to be accountable for the mistakes they made?

Our Current Financial Meltdown

Take for example our current financial meltdown.  Perhaps I missed something but during the whole crisis, I didn’t once see the culprits step forward and admit wrong doing or, at the least, express some regret for their contribution to the crisis.   Excuse me, have you heard one of them say they are sorry?

If they did admit guilt or remorse, I didn’t hear it. Oh, I heard a lot of excuses and justification but never a notion of accountability.  (Sound familiar?)  No, they sat back and waited for the government to “bail” them out.  I kept waiting for the financial word to step in and be proactive about solving the problem.  I anticipated the creative financial minds that schemed up the sub prime loans to step up and take some responsibility by suggesting some solutions.

It never happened.

I was amazed that the CEOs of these large corporations didn’t do what small business owners do every month, pay their bills before they pay themselves. I heard plenty of side-stepping rationalization from government officials and corporate executives when confronted.  Put them in t shirts, blue jeans, and give them long, bushy hair and they sound just like the responses we get from our teenagers when confronted.

How do we expect our adolescents to learn the importance of personal accountability when we embrace corporate irresponsibility without consequences?  The financial world seems to have taken a position of being “entitled” to government intervention.  They have, without much regret, felt quite comfortable to have someone else correct their ills.

A bailout!  Sound familiar?

How often have you felt you bailed out your child for some unfortunate consequence that they were unable or “unwilling” to remedy?

We are at a crucial point in our history.

I believe this financial crisis is somewhat of a blessing.  It represents an adjustment of our values.  Unfortunately, like our kids, we as a society have a difficult time making good decisions unless we are forced to.  We have gradually over time embraced self-embellished notions of entitlements where we truly believe it is reasonable to extend ourselves into a mortgage we cannot afford, run up the credit card beyond our ability to pay, drive the fancy car, pay exorbitant salaries to movie stars, professional athletes, and CEOs, forgive politicians for being dishonest, allow insurance companies to exclude vital coverage, put entrepreneurialship over education, and forgive the ills of large corporations while small business bankruptcies are on a rise.

Perhaps these coming years of doing without might force us to look at what is important.  We might just return to values of family, justice, personal accountability, doing what is right vs. what is profitable, and taking responsibility for choices we make that move us forward with integrity.  It takes a strong man to accept failure; it takes a stronger nation to demand change.

The time has come.  We owe it to our children.

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Mark Hughes is a parent and teen life coach and founder of The Karma Institute.  Mr. Hughes holds workshops and speaks nationally on the topics of parenting teens, hiring Millennials, divorce recovery, and overcoming adversity.  He can be best reached through the contact page.

For those young adults that are 29 years old or younger, the pursuit of career satisfaction is mixed.

This Millennial Generation is considered to be the most highly technically skilled group to come along. They are also the most frustrating because they think they are so special.  They often don’t want the entry level jobs offered to them by upper management; they want the upper management jobs.

“What do you mean I have to start in the mail room?  Mail rooms are for losers.  I deserve better then that.  I know so because my parents told me so, my softball coach told me so, my club volleyball coach told me so, my trainer told me so, the camp counselor told me so, and, oh did I say my Mom and Dad told me so“.

Years of conditioning has generated a wave of young adults that think they are good at what they do and they can get what they want.  Sacrificing and compromising is a thing of the past.

This generation isn’t willing to make the sacrifices in lifestyle and company politics.  They want to build a better life and live the dream. They want more balance then their parents experienced.  They see work as a necessity but don’t want it to take over their lives like it did for Dad.  In addition, many of them have watched their parents suffer from corporate disloyalty and don’t want that to happen to them.

If they don’t want to wear the clothes, work indoors, meet quotas, be on time, work overtime, climb the ladder, collect the watch, they won’t. If being the president of their own company that makes the rules gives them the freedom they demand, they are more likely to form a corporation then complete a job application.  If they feel what they want isn’t what the boss offers, they would rather go out and develop their perfect job themselves.  Even better, they might form businesses with their friends.  Why not?  When they grew up together playing baseball, going to camps, chillin’ at the mall, and taking a party bus to the prom, why not form a company together.  With their expertise on the net, their ability to shortcut routine start up costs with virtual offices and their ease with techno-gadgets, more and more Millennials are finding it easier to become entrepreneurs without the financial burdens of their ancestors.

Have Millennials Learned The Challenge of Entrepreneurship?

Have they learned the challenges of running their own business means longer hours and more stress?  According to a Pew Research Center poll of 2,003 Americans over the age of 18, the self-employed are more satisfied with their jobs than are other workers.  They are more satisfied with their salaries, the job security, opportunities for advancement, the flexibility of hours and the degree of stress associated with their work.

So popular is this trend, more and more colleges are offering curriculum’s in Entrepreneurship, sometimes offering seed monies to help their graduates launch their endeavors. Having grown up with the mentality of having it all and being funded by their parents, what could be better for this Millennial Generation to go after exactly what they want and get funded the money to make it happen.

Talk about flexibility and humanitarian efforts and you have won the hearts of this generation. And nonprofit organizations are taking advantage of that.  They are directing their recruitment efforts to include this new generation of worldly-do-gooders.  They emphasize the benefits of doing good in the world and the nets are filling up with an abundant supply of employees seeking personal satisfaction over financial gratification.  Non profits have learned that it is more important to emphasize how they are adhering to their organization’s values rather than offering lucrative employee benefits (because they can’t). Instead they are revamping their benefits plans to include lifestyle benefits like “family care” and flexible working hours.  It seems to be working.

Millennials and Non-Profits: How To Recruit and Keep Millennials

According to the Johns Hopkins University Nonprofit Listening Post Project, “appealing to the millennial generation is one of four key workforce recruitment and retention strategies identified by the nonprofit practitioners.” The study goes on to report that if the non-profits can attract Millennials to consider working with them as interns and learn the “essence” of their mission, they have as high as a 60% chance that the interns will remain with them in (low) paying positions each year.

Regardless of their GPA, research has indicated that graduating seniors are selecting up to as many as four non-profits out of the top ten companies to work for.  Certainly, there is a shift from seeking jobs on Wall Street to jobs with a cause.

Private sector companies are struggling to find their place in this arena of recruiting Millennials.  They are having to make adjustments to their communication style, working conditions, quotas, and the true meaning of success and “service”.   More importantly, they are having to address the “programming” that has taken place with their concept of an “authoritative figure”.  While Millennials respect authority, they interact quite differently than previous generations. From their parents to personal coaches, this generation is accustom to mentoring versus disciplining.  Much greater attention needs to be devoted to their “wellbeing” than to their “performance”.  Nurture this group and let them know you care and they will do whatever they can to hurdle that challenge, take it into the end zone or hit it out of the park.  After all, that is what they can relate to.  They are not a lazy group but a group that is used to coaches that teach them the techniques.  Once they get the confidence of their superior as one that wants them to personally achieve, they will rise to the challenge.  They want to make Mom and Dad proud.

Corporate America Needs To Adapt to Needs of Millennials

Corporate America must tackle the institution of family or bridge the gap between performance and “holding their hands”.  Colleges are introducing freshman orientation programs that not only emphasize the separation of student and parent but enforce it by removing the parents from their child’s orientation by providing two entirely different orientations.  One throws the student into the responsibility for making their own decisions while the other repeatedly reminds the parents (politely) to “back off”.  They ask parents to not get involved in their child’s roommate disputes, conflicts with their professors, or interfere in their academic studies.

Following suit, Merril Lynch has held an orientation for the parents of their new Millennial employees in an effort to soften the separation of the “overly involved parent” with their child in their new job.  This generation of parents perceive their involvement in their child’s employment is reasonable because they see it as an investment.  All those years of sacrificing for their child’s “excellence” cannot go unrewarded when it comes time to their career.  This is truly a mind set of these Millennial’s parents.  That is why many Fortune 500 companies are developing job application forms and interview packages with the parent in mind.  They have come to accept it, like it or not, they have to get past the “gate-keeper” as well as the applicant if they are going to be successful in recruiting qualified new employees.  Human Resources, be forewarned: with the growing number of Millennials living at home, don’t be surprised by the ongoing involvement of Mom and Dad requesting copies of their employment benefits package or a meeting with their supervisor to discuss their recent evaluation.

It’s not all bad news. Successfully understanding this group can make the difference between frustration and exhilaration.  Key adjustments need to be made when you are recruiting.  Millennials are more likely to take a job if they recognize the following:

• Let them know that they are part of a “big picture” and you’re your company has great integrity in making a difference in the world.  They are a vital part of making that happen.

• Demonstrate a fun and relaxed environment. Show them that you are committed to the balance of work and play.  Tell them about your Friday-After-Work-Romps or your company softball team or your Monday Morning Continental Breakfasts or your mid-week Power Massages. Who wouldn’t want to work for you?

• Introduce your TEAM concept where the Millennial will have a team mentor and opportunities to do projects with a group of people.  This job is NOT all about independent study.

• Set up programs that reward the employee for initiative and excellence. They like trophies.  Help them establish career goals and benchmarks to meet along the way.

• Let them know you care. Learn to ask questions rather than make demands.  Be willing to change the way you motivate or reach quotas by connecting more at the heart than at the mind.

This is a generation that adheres to “they don’t care about how much you know until they know how much you care”.  Those companies that give up the fight of what’s reasonable and accepts the beauty and the brilliance that resides within this generation will experience increased sales, higher employee productivity, greater employee satisfaction and retention, and a satisfaction that comes with those that place global consciousness over greed.

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By Mark C. Hughes, Teen Life Coach for Parents & Teens @ The Karma Institute: http://www.beyourverybest.org

Millennial Employee: “I’m sorry I’m late, Mr. Johnson.  My alarm clock didn’t go off this morning.”

Employer: “Brad, this seems to be a common occurrence and it has to stop.”

Millennial Employee: “I’m sorry, Mr. Johnson.  I’ll try not to have it happen again.

Employer:“Try.  Try.  I can’t afford to have you try. I just need you to be on time and do your job.”

Millennial Employee: “I’m sorry. I understand. It’s just that I was out late last night and I guess I just slept through my alarm.  It won’t happen again.”

Employer: “One more thing, Brad.  It has been reported to me that you are spending time during work on the internet for your personal use.  That is unacceptable and it has to stop.”

Millennial Employee: “Why?”

Employer: “Why?  You have to ask me why?”

Millennial Employee: “Well, yeah.  I’m getting my work done aren’t I?  And besides I’m just looking for a new car so I can drive to work.  That is part of the reason I am late all the time.”

Employer: “Brad, that doesn’t really matter.  I expect you to be here on time and while you are on my clock, my payroll, I want you to keep to company business and refrain from using your cell phone and the internet for your personal use.  Do you understand me?”

Millennial Employee: “Wow.  Are you saying that I can’t text my friends during work?”

Employer: “That’s right.  You can do that during your lunch break.  Is an hour enough time to get that done?”

Millennial Employee: “I have to wait until lunch to text my friends?”

Employer: “Yes, that is what I am telling you.”

Millennial Employee: “Well then, I quit.”

Employers: Does This Sound Familiar?

To an employer, does any of this sound familiar? The familiar seeming unfamiliar?  What is it about this new generation of Millennials that suggests they have privileges that no one else enjoys.  It almost appears to be a modern day Twilight Zone. What was once an acceptable standard in the work place is being challenged day after day by this new worker that feels they have entitlements that seem completely unreasonable.  Fact or fiction?  The answer: a little bit of both.

Employee coaching is on the rise and it is not surprising.  More and more employers are seeking outside consultants to help recruit, train, and retain these independent Millennials that believe another job is awaiting them with open arms.

After all, no one can operate a computer like they can.  After all, no one can run the business better than they can.  At least, they think so.  So why are they being treated so poorly? It is time for employers to recognize they are not speaking to the self-starters of the Generation X.  Like it or not, this generation will respond more favorably if they are nurtured like a loving parent.

Employee Coaches are teaching both employers on how to communicate and interact with the Millennials and educating Millennials on the reality of the responsibility of holding down a J.O.B.   Employers, frustrated with the learning curve, are contracting Employee Coaches to hold brownbag presentations and evening workshops for both themselves and their unruly employees.

In some cases, for larger companies, these Employee Coaches are working with upper management and supervisors with communication skills and ways to implement work environments that promote higher levels of performance.  For those companies struggling hopelessly for a bridge between work and play, etiquette and enjoyment, restlessness and responsibility, many of them have turned to corporate retreats that include both the employees and their supervisors.  The results have been proven to be successful by making a difference between sheer frustration and synergistic work environments where performance is defined in a whole new way.

Employers are recognizing that a new form of communicating is making all the difference in the world.  Consider the outcome of the earlier scenario with the following.

Are you willing to make the change?

Millennial Employee: “I’m sorry I’m late, Mr. Johnson.  My alarm clock didn’t go off this morning.”

Employer: “Bummer, Brad.  Is there anything that I can do to help you?”

Millennial Employee: “Thanks, Mr. Johnson.  I appreciate that but I just need to get my act together.”

Employer: “How so?”

Millennial Employee: “I think I was so tired that I slept through the alarm.”

Employer: “Can you think of a way that you could overcome this challenge?”

Millennial Employee: “Uhm?  It’s just that I was out late last night and I guess I just slept through my alarm.  Maybe I should set two alarms.”
Employer: “Sounds like a good idea. Would it help if you went to bed early the nights you have to go to work?”
Millennial Employee: (Chuckle) “That would be a simple solution, huh?”

Employer: “It’s worth a try. You do know it’s really hard on me and the other staff when you are late.  If we need to explore other options, please let me know.”

Millennial Employee: “Wow. Thanks, Mr. Johnson. I really appreciate that. I won’t let you down.”

Employer: “One more thing, Brad.  It has been reported to me that you are spending time during work on the internet for your personal use. You are not alone.  It seems like a lot of our employees are spending time on their cell phones and the internet so we are having a brainstorming session after work tomorrow to discuss solutions.  Can you make arrangements to stay after work tomorrow and bring some ideas?”

Millennial Employee: “I’d love to.  In fact, I was thinking about that because I have been feeling sorta guilty.  I was wondering if it would be possible to have more frequent breaks to text my friends and take a shorter lunch break.”

Employer: “That sounds like a reasonable option.  Let’s discuss it tomorrow.”

Millennial Employee: “Awesome. You’re a cool boss, Mr. Johnson.”

Employer: “Thanks.  Now get your butt in there and get to work.”

Millennial Employee: “Okay. Okay.”

—
By Mark C. Hughes, Teen Life Coach for Parents & Teens @ The Karma Institute: http://www.beyourverybest.org

During the late 60’s and into the 80’s when divorce was on the rise, children of this generation, often known as “latch-key kids”, learned how to fend for themselves.  As a necessity, these Generation X kids were independent, self-sufficient, and understood the importance of assuming responsibilities. It was a different time then.

The Millennials

Now consider this Generation of kids that were born between 1977 and 1999.  This Millennial Generation are growing up with a parenting style often referred to as “helicopter parenting”.

Always hovering, these parents are overly-involved with their children and encourage them to seek “happiness” and pamper them in ways that make them feel “special”.   According to Diane Thielfoldt and Devon Scheef in their article, “Generation X and The Millennials: What you Need to Know About Mentoring the New Generation,” they are:

“raised at the most child-centric time in our history.”

These parents are there to confront bad coaching, unfair grades, inadequate job evaluations, and interfere with almost any challenge that faces their “gifted child”.  As a result, this generation of young adults have challenges with making good decisions (because they never have to), have a difficult time with the responsibilities that come in the work place (because we do their work for them) and think they are special (because we give them a trophy for just showing up).  In short, the frustrations that come with this new generation of millennials is a direct reflection on the choices ”WE” have made as parents.

Choices Us Parents Have Made Shaped Millennials This Way…

Instead of teaching them the value of work, we encourage them to perfect their skill as an artist, athlete, or scholar. We have not expected them to participate in household chores like we did as children.  Instead, we prompt  them to achieve excellence while we pay the price (both figuratively and financially).  We shower them with praise and encourage them to set high standards.  Certainly, with these expectations, it is necessary to devote more time to achieving this level of excellence and the routine of work, for example, has to be secondary.

We are more willing to mow the lawn ourselves if it means interrupting their painting acrylic on a life-size canvas.  We relent to taking out the garbage if it gives them more time to study between club sport practices.  We forego our needs to have a clean house so they can fulfill their social calendar.

All the while, we are falling victim to “letting them off the hook” so they can excel and we can feel proud.  As we continue to indulge them and suggest that they have entitlements far greater than previous generations, they come to accept that they are special, that someone else will do it for them, that it is far easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission.  And, sad but true, often they expect that no one will call them on their stuff so taking responsibility for their actions may not even require asking for forgiveness.

Consequences are far and few between

There is way too much time enjoying life to consider that there may be consequences for the bad decisions (or lack thereof) they make because Mom and Dad are far too busy or far too proud to impose them.  Self-confident to a fault.  Feeling entitled to something without much effort.   Hesitant to initiate without the input from Mom.  Not Surprising.

We ask ourselves, “Why does this generation struggle with making good decisions, demonstrate coping skills or responsible behavior, and depend so heavily on their parents?”  We really don’t have to go too far to figure out why.

It Is Time…

It is time to prepare a whole new generation of kids for the world beyond their comfortable nest at 123 Easy Street.  In order for us to properly prepare our youth for the real world, they need to develop skills for independent thinking and the notion of cause and affect.  We need to be conscious when we want to do it for them, speak in their behalf, and catch them when they fall.

It is the perfect place and time to teach them invaluable life skills while they are still in the nest.  Expecting colleges or employers of millennials to assume this responsibility is unrealistic.  Move in the direction of setting clearly defined boundaries and establish agreements that both parent and child can agree to and then let the adolescent step into their life fully by making decisions on their own.  As we did when they first learned to walk, we let them fall.

Now, the stakes are a little higher and the lessons more powerful. We need to help our children understand that they are special and that in life sometimes we have to do things we may not want to do (ie. clean our rooms, do our homework, mow the lawn, get up early).  I often say to my kids, “I would be doing you a disservice if I didn’t expect this as routine.”  It is far more challenging as a parent to see to it that they keep their word, follow through on their agreements or be accountable for their behavior.  It is much easier to let it slide and that is the curse you gift your child.

It is time to re-instigate the notion that our kids are contributors to the family.  With the benefits that come as a member of the family, there are also responsibilities that must be met with accountability.  Life is about balance.  With play, there comes work.  With success, there comes failure. With mistakes, there comes learning.

• Establish family principles that you agree to live by
• Define household rules (in advance vs. “on-the-fly”)
• Empower your children to make independent decisions and let them experience the success or the failure
• Let them experience the mistakes so they can learn
• Let them experience real joy at play because they know what a hard day’s work looks like
• Seek not to be the guardian of their life; seek to be the example
• Don’t make the decision for them. Teach them how to judge.  Then let go and let them seek the truth from what  they have learned from doing it on their own.

The time is now.

By Mark C. Hughes, Teen Life Coach for Parents & Teens @ The Karma Institute: www.beyourverybest.org.

I hear it over and over again from employers how challenging it is to employ this generation of Millennials.

Without bias, however, there are far more stories of praise then criticism.  One cannot make generalizations about this group because they are so diverse.  I have read many articles posted on the internet about the frustrations of this workforce only to be followed by blogs from Millennials debating the assertions of ineptitude, laziness, indifference, and arrogance.

While one lacks initiative and drive another takes on leadership roles with a drive that holds foremost values that protect the interests of the community.  These humanitarian entrepreneurs are frequently referred to as “philanthrapreneurs”.  Not a bad label, not a bad shift from those of the past whose blind ambition to make money has crippled our economy.

I often wonder, would this generation of Millennials have allowed the greed if they had been in leadership roles?  Yes, these Millennials have earned self-defacing titles in many ways.  Yet, in many ways, in their incompetence, comes brilliance.

The Millennial Generation

The Millennial Generation, approximately 75 million in all, is considered  the most technically advanced group in history.  They demonstrate a preponderance for team-oriented skills, banding together like no one before them.

Having balanced multiple activities growing up, they possess natural multi-tasking talents.

They don’t mind structure… in fact, they demand it.

They don’t mind working hard, they just might need more direction.

They respect positions of authority and want to please.

They possess humanitarian attitudes to such a degree, non-profits target them for recruitment.

While they may not enjoy entry level positions, they seek to be leaders with many of them bypassing employment and jumping directly into entrepreneurial opportunities.   Since their motto is “life is to be fun”, they gravitate towards a work environment that offers working in groups (for socialization) vs. climbing the corporate ladder for the sheer purpose of being recognized for their individual endeavors (too isolated).  In short, they prefer a worldly perspective versus the promotion of self-serving grandstand proliferation.

Hiring The Millennial Generation

Doesn’t sound like a bad group of employees to bring into a company looking to expand and grow.

In fact, these talented new workers are taking on leadership roles like never before.  But how do we, as employers, corral this bunch?

First, we have to look at how they were raised. - Their DNA makeup is ingrained with the notion that they are special and they are entitled to forgo certain responsibilities so that they can focus on their greatness….. or fun.  Our generation of “helicopter parents” have seen to it that they experience few disappointments, avoid painful learning lessons, and remind them again and again that their pursuit of happiness is foremost.

Our interference with their decision making skills have impaired them from this necessary qualification for employment.  We have protected them from stumbling and falling because we have been too involved in all of their decision making. And lastly, because we were raised by parents from the depression who preached “money doesn’t grow on trees” and “you have to pay the price”, this generation of parents swung the pendulum to the far side and promoted happiness versus hard work.  They were coddled, pampered, protected, and praised.

So this generation of workers need more coddling, pampering, protecting and praise than past generations.  Fight it if you like but they need more personal attention than past employees.  They require mentoring over managing.  They desire praise over criticism.  They like to be reminded how special they are. Give them the big picture and identify how their role is crucial to meeting that awesome goal and they are motivated.  Our generation would assemble the new barbeque without the directions.  This generation depends upon it; they need direction.  Having been raised in an era of personal coaches, they need direction regardless of their IQ or confidence.  When you find yourself frustrated with their performance, ask these simple questions:

• Have I explained the big picture?

• Did I spell out the steps to get there?

• Did I praise them or encourage their greatness lately?

While Millennials respect authority, you have to earn it. Practice what you preach.  No generation before them is more willing to call B.S. on inconsistencies or inequities.  Since they love working in groups, mentor in groups. Offer suggestions on the steps they might take and encourage them to seek resources not from the phone book but from the internet. Encourage them to give ideas or suggestions.  Remind them that they are extremely important to the success of your goals and turn them loose.

An employer that learns the difference between training and mentoring will unleash the greatness that does lie within this Millennial Generation. Respected animal trainers will tell you that the success of a reliable performance animal is not in the animal but in the trainer.  It requires persistence and patience.  While the greatness of the Millennial lies within, they need, they seek your kindness and respect when you are encouraging them to reach their next level of performance.  Greatness is achieved when the permission is granted.

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By Mark C. Hughes, Teen Life Coach for Parents & Teens @ The Karma Institute.  www.beyourverybest.org.